My star

Ooops you caught me staring again. Forgive me but I cannot help myself from admiring you. You’re are a beauty in my eyes, let me devour you inch by inch. The one who made you must have been very creative and had a zeal for art. You’re gorgeous in every way. From your sharp eyes, to edge of your nose, to the curve of your muscles. Oh my I blush every time I see you. Those lips that are mildly fluffy with a touch of pink. Whenever you smile my heart brightens and my head goes doolally. In my reverie, my lips are on yours singing the song of passion. My heart skips a beat as I drink pleasure and love from your mouth. Just a touch from you sends shivers down my spine. This fire that you have ignited is bound to explode. I’m afraid I wont be able to hide coz the smoke will show. Hold my hand and let our fingers intertwine. Can’t you see how my hand fits perfectly in yours? I’m hoping that my love will give you clear vision so that you can see were meant for each other. I’m hoping that my fire from within will melt down the block of ice around your heart so that you’d let me in. Just like a star, you’re far and beyond but you still manage to make me twinkle. From a far till the day you become mine.

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Where is my sweetheart?

With the status quo, it seems that everyone has got a partner apart from you. Ground check, there are a lot of singles out there. As much as most of your friends are dating, do not , say with me, Do Not lower your standards for your certain kind of partner just to fit in. Do not rush into a relationship just for the sake of it. You have certain qualities that you look for in a partner, do not compromise, keep looking. When you are still looking, remember that the other person is also looking for certain characters and  qualities. Instead of throwing  yourself pity parties, why don’t you sit and work on yourself?

You should build yourself so that your qualities will attract your dream partner. Invest in yourself, be the best you can be so that you will also have something to offer. Do not just sit there and be choosy, putting off potentials while you yourself are in the same boat as them. When you set standards, make sure you also reach certain standards. Relationship is a two way thing. Work on yourself, grow yourself,dress nicely, invest, thereafter you will find your match.

It might be just maybe that your dream partner, who has all the qualities and meets all the standards you have set, is also looking for certain qualities and standards you have not yet met. You get what you are. If you are average, you will get average. Be superb and you will get the superb you have been looking for. So, why not get to work, take things slow. You and your partner will find each in due time. Just maybe at this time you are not ready for each other. Good luck with your search, hope you get what you deserve!

Domestic Violence; The real victims

How is your relationship with your father? That is a question I do not like answering because I could say a lot. I would not say I love my father neither can I say that I hate him ( yeah it is complicated). If you are wondering where it all started , brace yourself because I am going to take you to a trip to my childhood. I would like you to go with me, look at this story in my perspective and tell me if I am right to feel the way I feel.

At a tender age, my idea of a father was the one who came home late . The one who would come, sit and be served. The one who would take control of the remote and change all our favorite TV shows. The one who would be a silent observer smoking in the living room as we sat with our gloomy faces staring at each other( note there was no internet nor smartphones at that time) wondering when he would retire to bed so we could have our freedom back. In the end we would doze off and wake up to find ourselves in bed by magic ( only our mums and elder siblings understood that magic)

It came a time when I was so bored with the smoke from the cigarette. I hated the smoke so much . I had to do something. It is then that I devised  a plan with my smaller brother. Every time he would come and start smoking , we would get out of the house until the time I would gather the courage to confront him of the matter. Luckily I  did not have to confront him since our plan worked. He decided to quit smoking. Yeees! Mission accomplished.

I used to envy how other kids related with their dads, chatting and playing with them. They did not have an idea how lucky they were. How deeply I was yearning for that fatherly love. Anyway that did not make me feel any remorse towards him. What brought about these feelings is when he started to fight with my mum. My siblings and I would have a free ticket to watch live wrestling everyday. Many are times that we went to our grandfathers place because of the fights. Yes your guess is right, my mum still went back each and every time.

We would watch helplessly as she was beaten mercilessly, slaps, kicks, punches. It was a house full of drama. I would watch them fight sometimes of petty issues sometimes serious ones which I had no idea about. We would go and find the house turned upside down. Literally upside down. Radios, gadgets and other appliances scattered on the floor. In the middle of the night when we are soundly asleep we would be awakened by screams and arguments. All our relatives from my father’s side lived in the same compound as us but they never did anything. All they did was just watch as the drama unfolded. I was standing there as my mother was being kicked mercilessly wondering why my relatives could not do anything. I mean do something, she had run all the way here so that you can help, not stare for Christ sake!

My dad despite not being a good father, was also a not so faithful husband to my mother. Most of his money is spent on alcohol and women up to date. I am pretty sure I have step-siblings who have no idea I exist. I keep wondering why he is so generous with other women and their kids whereas he is so stingy with his own offspring. To get a dime from him will take a lot of convincing which may not even bare fruit. (Sorry I drift a lot, please bare with this story is so emotional to me.)

Why do men cheat on their wives. I remember when my dad used to bring his women to the house and we would watch them as they munched on chips and left for the better of the day. This stopped eventually after my mothers warnings,( She has a loud and bitter mouth. The insults she spits can make you hate her. I tell you she can really provoke you, sometimes I do not blame my dad, but still!) However, a lion does not stop eating prey because they moved, he will follow it. That is what my father did. At one point my mum got word and raided the location she was given. True to the word, she caught him red handed with another woman in a room half naked. The crux of the matter was , he was not ashamed of the deed. To think he would change was like hoping that one day a cock will lay eggs, Impossible!

I wonder how my mum managed to live with a man like that who would beat you, cheat on you and disrespect you.She used to blame us and condemn us for not standing up for when she was beaten. We were only children what could we have merely done.  The beatings finally subsided after an incident happen.

My mum was trying to prepare a tradition dish she had learnt from her friend. She however dozed off and forget she had left the food cooking. The food overcooked and burnt out. It was one of my uncles that came to wake my mother to ask what was cooking. My mother hurriedly woke up and took care of things. My dad had not yet arrived, so when he came, he stormed right inside their bedroom shouting. ”What is burning?”My mum being as arrogant as she always is, did not answer. My dad with all the alcohol he put in his system, got remorseful. His ego was touched. He started beating her, slapping  and questioning her like a kid. She started to scream and we all woke up.

He was not stopping, until my relatives came to the house. My grandmother was called from her sleep. She had tried to talk to her son countless time to man up but to no avail. She left after lecturing my dad and everyone followed her to their respective houses. It was us left, my siblings and my my not so dear parents. We were seated there crying after what had happened. It was that my sister (she was older than me) finally spoke up. She confronted my dad with such rage and courage, telling him she was tired of the whole situation. I think the words that triggered him to stop abusing my mum were these three little powerful words,’ I Hate You!’ Finally the drama stopped, ( well not entirely but the physical did subside.)

The relationship between my dad and I is purely wounded to no recover. He is has never made an effort to change the situation. As far as I can see, things are going to be that way for us. Tell me now, am I wrong to feel this way towards him?

The loss of a favorite

It is already three years down the line when I lost my favorite cousin to leukemia. My mind still goes back to that fateful day when I learnt of her demise. I am emotionally overwhelmed as I write this because she was the one who brought the true meaning of loss to me. She was a beauty and one of the few people I was comfortable having any conversations with. We made plans together, how we would have our kids at the same time. We would talk about boy-friend drama and hate our exes. I cannot resist to shed a tear every time I think of her. She was so young and full of life.

A few months to her death, she used to complain to me how unwell she was. At one point she told me she felt she was going to die. I just brushed it off and told her she would be alright because I never thought it was serious. On that dreadful week on a Monday, she called me and we had a chat. I was happy to hear from her, because she always remembered to check up on me even when I didn’t. We made plans to meet the following week if only I knew I was going to meet her in a casket to bid her my final goodbye.

The next day, Tuesday, my mother came home from her place with a gloomy face. I asked her what was the cause for her long face. She just looked at me and said, ”Your cousin is sick. The doctor said she does not have blood in her system. ”My heart palpitated. How can that happened she was fine the last time I saw her. We had just talked the previous day! I could not contact her because apparently her phone was not working, she mentioned during our chat. My mum and her sister were to take to her back to the hospital for further testing. I could not go with them although I wanted so bad to be there with her. I had to get back to school since I was having exams.

While at the hospital, my mum called me to inform me on the occurrences. I pleaded to talk to my cousin, but my mum did not allow. Just maybe she was too weak to speak or did not know what to say to me. She spent the night at the hospital after multiple blood transfusions. Apparently, the transfusions were not helping as the blood kept drying up as soon as it got  into her system. It was on a Wednesday, I could not keep still and I was very much itching to see her. I called my mum and told her that I was going to see her the next day, Thursday. I vividly remember that night I could not get sleep. I kept staring at space in the darkness of the night. I felt a sharp sting pierce my heart and started to pray that she was alright. My heart was beating fast and skipping beats at the same time. The night was very long for me and I could not wait for morning to come.

Finally when the sun rose and was preparing myself to go see her in the afternoon, I logged into my face book account. I got a message from one of her friends asking me if what they had heard about my favorite was true. I, oblivious to what had occurred, told her yes,it is true , she is sick in hospital and I am going to see her today. No, please confirm what you know. That was her response to me. It was then that a magnitude of thoughts and questions attacked my mind. What did she mean by that? I tried to contact my mother maybe she could give me a definite answer. She did not respond. I refused to think the possibility of the situation. I went back to my face book account. What I saw nearly gave me a heart attack. The first thing that got me utterly spellbound, unable to move or think. My mind went blank. My heart bled. No my eyes were playing games on me . I logged out and logged in to confirm what I had seen. RIP Esther, Gone too soon. Followed by her picture. My stomach ripped into pieces. Warm tears fell on my cheeks involuntary. Is this really happening? I could not bring myself to believe that she was gone. No one had the courage to tell me what happened I had to find out by myself from face book! It took a while a while to come to terms that she is gone for good. I still remember her and miss her dearly.

Finally I came to accept that it was for the better. I stare at her pictures and they take me back to the wonderful memories we shared. Now as I sit wearing a t shirt with her portrait on it, I have learnt to appreciate life. You never now what might happen today, tomorrow or the next hour. Live life, show love to your loved ones and do not forget to be happy. Stop postponing your happiness for forever after, because it might never come. Live in the moment, do what ever you have always wanted to do. All that matters is now!